Tomorrow it will be 4 weeks since I said goodbye to my
boobs. I’m happy to report I’ve been
doing very well. A huge milestone was
getting my drains removed at the two week mark.
I finally felt free to move around and shower like a normal person. I’ve had 2 pumps so far. A pump is where they inject silicone into the
expander through a port that will gradually stretch my chest muscle so that
eventually there’s space for an implant.
My doctor thinks I’ll be fully expanded and ready for my next surgery in
July. Getting stretched out hurts but it’s
not painful… or perhaps I have a different view of what pain feels like these
days. I never had braces but have been
told it’s similar to getting your braces tightened. So far I’ve gotten both pumps on a Friday
which has been nice because I’ve had the weekend to relax. Usually by Monday I’m feeling much
better. These humps on my chest feel
nothing like breasts. They are hard as a
rock and because they are not fully blown up, every once in a while they shock
me with a sharp pinch in various places.
Mostly they’re like a rock in my shoe that I can’t get rid of. Just sort of annoying. The silver lining… They sure are perky and
unless my shirt is a bit transparent, I may never need to wear a bra
again! From what I’ve heard, the
annoying bits will go away once I get my real implants but the silver lining
will stay. Therefore the future is looking bright!
How am I doing emotionally?
This is mostly up… sometimes down.
It’s very strange because rarely do I feel in the middle. Mostly… I’m feeling “up” because it’s such an
empowering feeling to know that I’ve taken my health into my own hands. The fact that I’m 95% sure I will never get
breast cancer feels phenomenal. Since I
learned my family had the BRCA mutation when I was 23, I had a *very strong*
feeling I was going to be on the negatively positive side. I’ve also been getting mammograms and MRI’s
since I was 25 which means I’ve had 5 of each… actually 6 mammograms when you
count the time I was called back for additional testing (that really sucked). The
fact that I’ll never have the anxiety of getting screened for breast cancer
again is huge. Because of this surgery, I
have reduced my chances of getting BC to around 3%. Every time I say that out loud, I get happy
chills. J The “downs” are significantly less frequent. When I get sad or frustrated it’s mainly
because I’m uncomfortable most hours of the day and night. When I think “uncomfortable” I immediately conclude…
”I can handle that”, and the majority of the time I can. But sometimes it does get to me. Like I said early, the expanders feel nothing
like breasts. I have also been having a
difficult time sleeping which I’m sure plays into it as well. I’m a side or tummy sleeper and since the
surgery I’ve only been able to lie on my back.
I’m also not able to snuggle with my husband anymore unless we are
playing footsy under the sheets. Footsy
was fun the first week, but now I want to snuggle into the nook.
All in all, I feel lucky there are more ups then downs. And when a down moment happens, I have to
remind myself how fortunate I am that I’m not preparing for chemo or radiation. The majority of women who get mastectomies start
their cancer treatment a few weeks post-surgery. I’m thankful for where research has gotten us
today and am excited to see where it continues to go. I’m sad every day for those in my family who’ve
taken a fall to cancer however I owe those women my life. Without them, I would have never known to get
tested for BRCA. I am proud to
be the one who has stopped this trend of cancer in my family and hopping to
start a new trend of preventative health management. I’m still very glad I did this and would do
it again.
Just before getting my drains out.
Just before getting my drains out.
My best friend and bosom buddy out for her birthday last weekend. After being diagnosed with breast cancer last year she went through a double mastectomy. We had a proper showing/comparison in the bathroom of Blackbottle. :-)
i applaud the candid sharing of your experience. i'm sorry that i'm a few thousand miles from you, but please know that you have my support every step of the way. life feeds us all a shit sandwich from time to time, but when i think of my what you're going through, and how you handle it, i'm humbled by the silly gripes i sometimes have...sending loads of love your way! xo drew
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